By Dr. Joel Schlesinger

From our earliest days we learn the Golden Rule, the idea of treating others as we would want them to treat us. But what if others don’t want us to treat them according to our preferences, especially in the workplace? For example, suppose you prefer a close relationship with your leader, setting goals together each morning, checking back frequently during the day, summing up at quitting time: this is how you do your best work. Your leader, however, is more comfortable delegating assignments, preferring you to work independently, engaging with you on an exceptional basis. If your leader interacts with you only according to their preferences — and not yours — this may affect your confidence, motivation, and performance. And this is not in either yours or the leaders best interests.

Effective leaders appreciate the unique competence and confidence of each person they supervise to complete a given task; they are also aware of the type of relationship each colleague requires. We are all different and this is why there is no single best way to lead, no one-size-fits-all. Successful leaders treat their colleagues as individuals and adjust their behavior to meet the needs of those individual. Of course, we all have our comfort zones. But successful leaders learn how to step out of theirs and interact with others on their terms — even when it’s uncomfortable. That is why, when it comes to leadership, the Platinum — and not the Golden — Rule is more appropriate: Treat others as they want to be treated.

We often hear it said that one should lead by example; that is, to act in a positive manner that others should copy. Leaders tend to set their example based on their own values, behaviors, and comfort zone; but a more powerful example should, rather, be consistent with the goals, values, and behaviors of those they lead; it should be one that frees and stimulates everyone to do their very best, not one that seeks to control or bend each employee to the leader’s way of doing things. After all, we all want to make a difference, and it is the leader’s role to create the conditions that permit those they lead to feel that way. Successful leaders understand it is not about them, they — nobody — can do it all; rather, they must resonate, somehow, some way, with those they lead to inspire their highest levels of productivity, innovation, and commitment. In the end successful leaders do not impose. They connect.