Local Commentary

Editorial: Something All F.C. Agrees On

One thing all 13,500 citizens of the City of Falls Church apparently agree upon – all except 246 of them, that is – is that Donald Trump should not be the next president of the U.S. The results from Tuesday’s “Super Tuesday” primaries in Falls Church show that of all the votes cast, 4,164 in all according to the Virginia State Board of Elections, only 246 went to Trump, the winner nationally who appears to be closing in on the GOP nomination for president.

For the 246 who voted for Trump at Falls Church’s three precincts (plus absentees) Tuesday, 1,323 who cast ballots in the Republican primary voted against him. Of course, all 2,595 ballots cast in the Democratic primary voted for somebody else, too.

So, if Trump wins the presidency in November and begins to erect a high wall between the U.S. and Mexico, maybe the City of Falls Church can do the same, to keep Trump out, and maybe even secede. Citizens could emigrate to Canada, where the new prime minister has made it easier to do, or Cuba for those who prefer milder weather. Planes can’t take off from Falls Church, at least not yet, but helicopters could probably make the trip.

Of course, the City could join with neighboring Arlington in this (and thus gain access to Reagan National Airport and the Pentagon), because the returns there were almost identical, as percentages go, to those in the Little City. That would also make it possible to mount a navy, something the land-locked City of Falls Church, except for its meager Four Mile Run tributary creek, can’t credibly do by itself. Eastern parts of Fairfax County would also probably want to join our adventure, maybe all of the Mason District, and we’d pitch to include the Mosaic because we’d need the Target.

Sadly, this would abandon the rest of Virginia to a preponderance of Confederacy revivalist forces, and with Trump in the White House, the South probably would rise again. Bob Marshall would be the governor, and he’d probably offer Trump to move the nation’s capital back to Richmond. But what choice would we have?

If this sounds fantastic, it is, of course. But it is not so far off from how thousands think in Texas, where “Secede!” has been a rallying cry on license plates for a century. Truly, the prospect of a Trump presidency naturally gives rise to a lot of crazy thoughts, though honestly we’d never seriously propose giving up on this great American democratic experiment. We’d be silenced and hauled off by Trump’s gestapo before that would ever happen.

But the good news is that Tuesday’s election has shown that Falls Church citizens have finally found something almost everybody agrees upon, at least for now. Wouldn’t it be nice if that signaled a new trend? Keep this in mind as we war over where to put bus shelters and such.