Local Commentary

The Little City Weed

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Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Some of you have been good this year, and some of you have been very naughty, naughty, naughty. Jolly Old Saint Weed has been keeping a list, and checking it thrice, and has a few seasonal gifts for our dear ones.

 

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Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Some of you have been good this year, and some of you have been very naughty, naughty, naughty. Jolly Old Saint Weed has been keeping a list, and checking it thrice, and has a few seasonal gifts for our dear ones.

For our city workers:

Thank you all for your service and dedication to the community. Saint Weed brings a gift of glitter spray paint to our much loved recycling lady Kathy Allan. The new waste cans are a sight for sore eyes; but it is too hard to tell the trash can from the recycling can. Nothing a little glitter spray paint cannot fix. Enjoy. City Manager Wyatt Shields gets a Star Fleet Academy uniform with booties and a reminder the correct power move when confronted with asymmetric allegations is an asymmetric response. Just wear it once to work, Wyatt, and watch the magic happen. Nobody likes to mess with a crazy person.

For all our local female mafia groups:

Wow. You all have sparkled this year. For the Mahjong Mafia, the Good Old Girls, the Pink Ladies, the Beer Garden Club, the Drunk Bus Ladies, the groups whose names cannot be spoken, and especially near and dear to my heart, the lovely Mommy Mafia, please enjoy some Old Fashioned Creole King Cake you awesome skinny [empowered educated women].

Our local elected officials:

What a year for council member David Snyder! He topped it off with a COG Award after some 80 years of service. David F. Snyder, Esq. gets a copy of the Wizard of Oz. The part where the lion gets a medal and his courage makes us sniffle. Virginia Delegate Bob Marshall gets (another) nut ball. City Treasurer Cathy Kaye gets a silver bell just because she does so much for Old St. Weed it would be best if I could hear her coming. Fairfax Supervisor Penny Gross gets an etiquette book for using her column in the Falls Church News-Press to misinform about the water litigation and encourage county residents to sue the good people of Falls Church. Council member Nader Baroukh gets a map of Montclair New Jersey for earlier this year calling council member Robin Gardner un-American and equating her with the despotic clerics who run his native Iran all because she supports holding local elections in November. Robin’s ancestors were Dutch traders who owned much of the land which is now Montclair and they have actually lived in this country since pre-Jamestown times. They fought alongside George Washington, helped found the U.S. Episcopal Church, and have lived and died honorably serving our nation in a variety of ways even before its founding. Individually, well, they are from New Jersey so it is win-some-lose-some, but as a group, they are super nice people who are profoundly American. Just so you know.

There are many more gifts to dispense – I am looking at you school board members – but the Managing Editor Elf needs his copy.

Please have a safe and happy holiday.

 


Michael Gardner is a quixotic citizen and founder of the Blueweeds community blog.