2024-07-18 5:13 AM

The Little City Weed


Summertime. We need to get a good eat a chip game going.




Summertime. We need to get a good eat a chip game going.

The rules are simple. Every time one of the following events happens, everyone has to eat a chip. It is true, some people have ruined traditional eat a chip by turning it into a drinking game, but we are all responsible snacking purists, correct?

Woohoo! We are going to get totally blimped out people. Bring your eating pants.

Eat a chip … every time a micromanaging financial genius says we can increase city revenues by cutting spending. Sort of like suggesting you can give yourself a raise by not paying your bills.

Eat a chip … for every dollar you are asked to donate to have a local Fourth of July fireworks display next year. Suckers. There are tons of alternative ways to celebrate the holiday, several nearby firework options, and it is one of the only city-sponsored events which brings almost zero revenue into the community.

Eat a chip … every time you have to pay a local “user fee.” Because nothing promotes transparency, accountability, efficiency, and fairness in a local tax system more than refusing to publicly raise taxes, but instead creating a highly parochial local user fee system defined by complex, undocumented, ill-defined, poorly administered, hidden fees.

Eat a chip … every time you get towed while making a Chipotle run.

Eat a chip … every time you get a FOIA demand from a disgruntled existing or former city official.

Eat a chip … every time you are charged with making a personal attack on a public official when you express disagreement with how they vote on an issue.

Eat a chip … every time you go to the city library and find it is closed due to budget cuts.

Eat a chip … every time an elected body imposes a “code of civility.” Because nothing cures a disease faster than treating a symptom, and nothing discourages group think more than requiring everyone to express themselves using a government mandated formula.

Eat a chip … every time someone suggests the city simply increase commercial revenue as a way to balance its budget. Because nobody ever thought of that before.

Eat a chip … every time a city official engages in management hoopla, like ten-step plan, rather than focusing on what must be done to drive consistency and cohesion in government.

Eat a chip … every time elected officials who ran on a slate refer to themselves as “we” like they are some sort of multi-headed symbiotic creature which deserves special treatment.

Eat a chip … every time a city meeting runs more than four hours. Double down if the meeting goes past midnight. Nothing encourages involvement in public affairs from non-retired, non-self employed, non-vampires, or people with families, more than once a week poorly run marathon meetings that end after midnight.

Eat a chip is the perfect summer political game. First one to say they have had enough wins.


Michael Gardner is a quixotic citizen and founder of the Blueweeds community blog.






On Key

Stories that may interest you