By Cailyn Murphy

This spring, I was invited to offer a student perspective on civil discourse during a panel discussion at our local library. I was nervous. My knee bounced anxiously as I waited for my turn to speak. As I listened to other speakers, I heard a variety of viewpoints, some I disagreed with, and others made me uncomfortable.

When my name was called, my stomach tensed. It wasn’t stage fright; I don’t normally feel nervous speaking in front of a group. What unsettled me was the topic itself. I had never been asked to speak out about my political opinions in class, or how my views shape the way I think.

As I looked around the library, I recognized faces I have grown up with since we moved to Falls Church City when I was in the second grade. Despite this familiarity, I felt a nagging feeling that sharing my political opinions would lead to tense conversations with my peers or even make me lose friends. But I had no choice. 

I shared how growing up in a home with a liberal parent and a conservative parent impacted me. I then expressed my thoughts on some politically charged issues. I waited for the whispering to begin or confused faces to appear, but, to my surprise, neither happened. In fact, another student raised their hand after my response and shared that they, too, had navigated a similar divide in their house growing up.

That was one discussion in one classroom in one small city in America – a country founded on the idea of pluralism, but now seemingly headed in a very different direction.

It’s no accident that our national motto, “e pluribus unum,” means that we are one society made up of many different people. This reminds us that diversity is our strength. We see it all around us, on our currency, our passports, and our government buildings. And our democracy depends on our ability to resolve our differences without violence. 

To be clear, engaging across differences is not an exercise of validation but of scrutiny. It does not mean legitimizing hate or normalizing those who deny others their humanity. Rather, it is about holding ideas up to the light of examination and discarding those that are flawed. In fact, in-depth conversations (aka deep canvassing) are among our most powerful persuasive tools, as the movement for marriage equality famously showed. 

I was lucky enough to have grown up in a home where I was encouraged to speak up. But today,  growing political polarization, misinformation and disinformation in our news media environment, social media that promotes anger, and increasing censorship make it hard for us to tolerate, much less appreciate, different opinions. The frightening outcome is encroaching totalitarianism and increasing political violence. Because of this threat, many of us feel uncomfortable speaking about sensitive subjects but discussing these issues is key to broadening our understanding and stopping the spiral.

As we celebrate America’s 250th, we should focus on restoring our ability to process differences and resolve them amicably. Our nation’s future is at stake.

The City of Falls Church, located just a few miles from the nation’s capital, is the perfect place to advance this work. Our city has a rich history of civic engagement and is home to a sizable chunk of people born in other countries. Our school system is built on an academic foundation designed to develop well-rounded citizens who can respond to challenges with hope and curiosity. Indeed, our district is one of only nine in the country that offer an all-inclusive international baccalaureate curriculum, a program that emphasizes inquiry, critical thought, reflection, risk, and open-mindedness.

And yet, even here I occasionally encounter not an embrace of new ideas but a fear of them and, sometimes, even disdain. During my time in high school, some people formed cliques with those who not only shared similar interests, but also similar beliefs. I have heard countless rumors and conversations centered on which politicians or social movements other people support, often focusing more on speculation and assumptions than on issues or ideas themselves. It sometimes feels like political beliefs define a person’s entire identity. I, too, have fallen victim to stereotyping my peers and making false assumptions, solely based on who they choose to support. 

As my fellow graduates and I head off to college, the workplace, and the military, many of us will encounter environments where we, too, may fear expressing our ideas. Indeed, fewer than half of students feel comfortable expressing political opinions on college campuses, according to a 2024 BestColleges study. This is not a partisan problem, both liberals and conservatives express this fear. I don’t blame them in a world where every word can be recorded, distorted, and spread far and wide for the world’s reaction and rejection. 

I specifically felt this threat when trying to find a college roommate. I found myself stalking girls’ social media accounts, trying to find whom they affiliate with, hoping to choose someone with my beliefs. But then I realized something: I do not want to keep surrounding myself only with people who think exactly like I do. If I limit my relationships to those who are like me, I will never get the chance to challenge my beliefs and grow as a person.

This is one reason why I was excited to participate in a panel discussion last spring hosted by We the Neighbors, a local initiative that aims to strengthen our civic and community bonds through “dialogue across difference.” 

During the event, Noah Bopp, founder of the School for Ethics and Global Leadership, led a panel discussion that featured me, along with Jared Peet, a teacher of Individuals & Societies at Meridian High School, and Marybeth Connolly, a Falls Church City Council member and longtime leader across Falls Church and in our schools. It was quickly agreed upon that differences in political viewpoints often attack personal identity rather than the ideas themselves. Fellow panelists stressed that dialogue, not debate, is essential for bridging divides. Asking questions and working to avoid the “danger of a single story” allow us to better understand each other and move beyond assumptions. The goal is not to convince someone else that you are right and they are wrong. It is to move beyond your echo chamber in order to work towards collaboration.

The group is also planning an interactive booth at Falls Church City’s Civic Jam on July 3 and exploring partnerships and other opportunities to share civil discourse skills.

The research behind this kind of dialogue is promising at both the individual and societal level. Preparing youth and adults to constructively engage across differences better enables us to thrive in communities, classrooms, and workplaces. What’s more, civil discourse has proven persuasive powers. 

In other words, changing minds about divisive policy issues begins with changing words and listening. Beyond that, dialogue across differences has the power to reduce polarization and bring us closer to our longstanding ideal: one nation, out of many. As we toast a quarter of a millennium this July 4, that’s a history, and a future, worth celebrating.

Cailyn Murphy recently graduated from Meridian High School and is attending the University of Miami in the fall. This oped was developed with support from We the Neighbors, a collective of bridge builders in Falls Church. To learn more, email co-founder Komal Bazaz Smith at komalbazazsmith@gmail.com.