To be fair, I’ve been to In-N-Out burger in California, so I’d be lying if I said that the Elevation Burger (two certified-organic, grass-fed, free-range, thetan-clear beef patties with cheddar cheese) was the best burger I’ve ever had. However, the website claims that the chain was created when founder Hans Hess couldn’t find a burger chain on this coast that was as good as what they had over in California, so I’ll assume that means he wanted to get an In-N-Out over here but couldn’t get it.
The time of year has come when it’s way too cold outside to care what we put into our bodies. Why else would a holiday in which people are essentially forced to eat tons of ham, turkey and other rich and fattening food be less than a week away from a day where we’re forced to pour lots of champagne down our throats in order to kiss random people at midnight only to get slapped in the face. But sooner or later you’re going to be forced by social pressures, or my parents, to go to a gym, so why not eat some fast food that’s slightly healthier for you than what other fast food places are offering? This is where Elevation Burger shines.
To be fair, I’ve been to In-N-Out burger in California, so I’d be lying if I said that the Elevation Burger (two certified-organic, grass-fed, free-range, thetan-clear beef patties with cheddar cheese) was the best burger I’ve ever had. However, the website claims that the chain was created when founder Hans Hess couldn’t find a burger chain on this coast that was as good as what they had over in California, so I’ll assume that means he wanted to get an In-N-Out over here but couldn’t get it (If the family that owns In-N-Out is reading this, I’ll give you anything if you bring one over here). But make no mistake; anyone who lies about Five Guys being the best thing around obviously has never been here and should fix that, pronto.
I’ll start with the bad, if it can really be called that. The slightly pious jargon about “organic” and “chemical-free” and such is a little off-putting to jaded old hags like me. I don’t care how few dolphins died to make the burger. My only concern is whether it’s good enough to eat. Luckily for Elevation Burger, their food is great. The olive oil used to cook the burgers isn’t strong enough to overpower the naturally delicious taste of the meat, and the veggie and grilled cheese options are a nice touch and, according to trusted confidential sources, pretty good. The fries, also cooked in olive oil, are crispy, perfectly salted and delicious.
You need something to wash down that meaty delight? You’ve come to the absolute right place. While other fast food joints have a soda machine with eight or maybe even 12 soda options, Elevation Burger has just acquired the new Coca-Cola Freestyle machine. This is a touch screen soda fountain that gives you 106 Coke product drink options. I nearly had a stroke, because usually fast food restaurants have two diet soda options at most. While it may seem overwhelming, the ease with which any Coke drink, with almost any flavor, can be delivered to you is truly a technological and life-changing miracle. If you like soda, be prepared to spend all day getting whatever Coke drink you want (except Fresca for some reason, although there’s a possibility it was on there in a hidden page.) For those who need fat and sugar in their drinks instead of just sugar, the milkshakes and malts are thick and can be mixed with up to two extra ingredients to give you that extra shine.
Elevation Burger likes to go on about how environmentally friendly and (relatively) healthy they are, but that’s not why you should go here. You should go here because this is a fast food chain with fantastic burgers and fries that doesn’t destroy too much of the environment to make great fast food, which is truly in the spirit of the season. Get here now.
Elevation Burger is located at 442 S. Washington St., Falls Church. For more information, call 703-237-4343 or visit elevationburger.com. The restaurant’s hours are Monday – Sunday: 11 a.m. – 9 p.m.
