The summer season has begun, when daddy, or Maximum Leader, gets to exercise more control over the family schedule.

The summer season has begun, when daddy, or Maximum Leader, gets to exercise more control over the family schedule.

Morning salutations begin.

“Good morning, dear ones. It will be a happy day. Have we fed the animals that depend on us? Are our hearts filled with joy at the opportunity to bring in the family newspaper?”

“Maximum Leader, when will mommy be home?” asks boy child.

“Do not burden yourself with such things. Maximum Leader provides pickled herring in abundance for today’s morning meal. Which will be enjoyed right after calisthenics on the patio.”

Girl child appears in response to the broadcast of approved music.

“Good morning, daddy.”

“Oops. I mean, today will be the best day of my life. We live in a great country with many good citizens and people who love us,” she says. “When will momma be home?”

The question gets swallowed up by the blaring strains of remixed Neil Diamond, Lady Gaga and Lynyrd Skynard.

Maximum Leader shuffles to the happy music. “Today we shall prepare for summer camps. Which we will win at all costs. Remember, defeat is horror. We participate to honor our ancestors and shall demonstrate the superiority of the family with our last breath.”

“It’s just acting camp, dad,” says the girl child. “There’s really no way to get ‘defeated’ and it’s not really a contest we have to fight to our last breath. It’s more like having fun with our friends.”

“You have always had the soft heart of a capitalist, dear child,” chuckles Maximum Leader.

“Last night I defeated the seventh level of Mario Brothers,” offers boy child. “Does that honor our ancestors? What are ancestors, by the way?”

“Aha!” exclaims Maximum Leader. “A clear victory for the family. You, dear boy, shall be rewarded with an extra piece of camembert in your lunch.”

Boy child pinches his nose and girl child giggles. “Yech. That cheese stinks. I am not taking it to camp. No way.”

The insurrection is broken with the sound of a ringing phone.

“Hi mommy,” says boy child into the phone. “When are you coming home? Daddy is doing Maximum Leader again. He just ‘rewarded’ me with stinky cheese. And we had to jump around outside this morning.”

The girl child grabs the phone. “Momma, please come home. We ate jellied fish for breakfast. And daddy is playing his music out loud. And dancing.”

“Yes. I can put him on the phone,” says the girl child. Dear ones smirk as they hand the receiver to Maximum Leader. Maximum Leader talks on the phone a few minutes and then hangs up.

“An announcement from Maximum Leader,” says Maximum Leader. “Your mother has decided to stay an extra day at her conference. She asked me to tell you to behave and listen to Maximum Leader. She said he knows what is good for you!”

Evil laughter and giggles as the family unit heads out the door to enjoy the summer day camps.

Michael Gardner is a quixotic citizen and founder of the Blueweeds community blog.