Many of you have been wondering when the hammer would be coming down on some helpless restaurant. Is that day today? Not really, because doing so is not a responsible thing to do in the food-critiquing game that I have been a part of for so many decades. Therefore, I will try not to be ultra-harsh on Fairfax Deli, because their food isn’t necessarily their main problem.
Many of you have been wondering when the hammer would be coming down on some helpless restaurant. Is that day today? Not really, because doing so is not a responsible thing to do in the food-critiquing game that I have been a part of for so many decades. Therefore, I will try not to be ultra-harsh on Fairfax Deli, because their food isn’t necessarily their main problem.
Let us be clear: This is the kind of place that would be amazing after a night of partying. They serve greasy food that, while not award-winning, would definitely be fantastic at 3 AM on a Saturday night. However, because there is not a massive college party scene on that part of Lee Highway, and because Fairfax Deli is not open even remotely late (note: I stay up very late due to a combination of inhuman amounts of caffeine and a belief in paranoid Inception-like government conspiracies), it leaves me to wonder who the customers are that have kept this place in business since 1952.
The pizza starts as either a cheese or a white, which are reasonably priced based on the size. The pizza itself is alright. However, any toppings are going to cost extra and have a different pricing system based on the size you order. That’s where they get you. I understand that small mom-and-pop pizza places are having a hard time competing with large soulless corporations that can deliver a pizza through the internet and have it pop out of your CD-drive in 30 minutes or less (which would be unspeakably awesome), but charging a buck extra per topping and then having it scale with the size of your pizza deters cheap people like me from getting toppings.
Because I was trying to commit suicide by ingesting incredible amounts of cholesterol, I decided to up my swag with a towering inferno sandwich (a double-decker with pastrami, provolone cheese, pepperoni and hot peppers on rye) and ten buffalo wings. The sandwich was pretty good and filling, although a little smaller than what I had pictured a towering inferno to be. It was more like a molehill inferno.
The buffalo wings were good and different than most buffalo wings I have been eating recently (which, admittedly, is not very many). They did not have the nuclear-orange sauce on them and instead were lightly fried and a bit dry. I don’t think they were worth $8, but it’s refreshing (relatively) to get wings that do not look like something from a neon light factory.
They have other things on the menu (sandwiches, salads, subs, stromboli and other things that start with the letter “s”), but this is primarily a place for ordering pizza and wings while you’re sitting at home watching a “Law and Order: SVU” marathon. However, with many healthier and better places close-by, it’s hard to justify getting something from Fairfax Deli. Perhaps they are surrounded by incredibly loyal customers who will support them over any other pizza place in town, and while I admire their dedication, it’s hard to sympathize with it. Sorry Fairfax Deli, but unless you decide to stay open and deliver until the wee hours of the morning, I don’t think I can support your sub-par food.
Fairfax Deli & Pizza
7173 Lee Hwy., Falls Church, VA
703-532-5981
Hours:
Monday – Friday, 10:30 a.m. – 10 p.m.
Saturday 11 a.m. – 10 p.m.
Sunday 11 a.m. – 9 p.m.
