King and Queen for a (Memorial) Day

 Falls Church News-Press from catching up with this year’s king and queen, Will Stewart and Margaret Lipman, to find out more about the Memorial Day monarchs.

  1. What does Memorial Day mean to you?

Will Stewart: It means getting up earlier than you’d like to on a holiday, getting funnel cake at the fair and getting that free t-shirt after the Fun Run. Also all the pools open so it’s another good way to hang out with friends.

Margaret Lipman: It’s one of my favorite days of the year. It’s always been a time to have a lot of fun with friends and family and enjoy what Falls Church has to offer. It’s always a good way to end the [school] year on a good note and to remember those who have sacrificed on our behalf.

  1. How were you chosen as the king or queen of the Memorial Day parade?

W: Because I competed in the Mr. Mason competition and won. My interpretative dance knocked out the other competitors. It’s a tradition that Mr. Mason be the king at the Memorial Day parade.

FCNP: And how were the king and queen selected before there was Mr. Mason?

W: I don’t know.

FCNP: Guess that’s another mystery for the Falls Church News-Press.

  1. What does it mean to be a king or queen?

M: Well, to be a queen means to be very regal and to carry yourself with a lot of poise and to try to be helpful and a good role model in whatever way possible. Also, the queen gets to wear cool clothes, but sometimes her head gets chopped off.

FCNP: Yikes.

  1. If you were actually given the authority of a king and queen, what would you do or change?

M: I would refocus our government’s priorities so that we would care for our people instead of having such an aggressive foreign policy. I would also ban all weapons and really bad TV shows like “Date My Mom.”

W: I might as well go for something massive, in which case, I’d set about ending global hunger.

  1. Have you been practicing your wave?

W: No, but I guess I need to… (Starts waving hands around in air)

M: Yes, I have. I’ve been modeling it after Queen Elizabeth II because she’s an excellent queen.

  1. What is your favorite chess piece and why?

M: Obviously, the queen because she’s the most powerful piece on the board and can move in all directions.

W: It can’t move like a knight.

FCNP: So would you say that you’re power-hungry?

M: You could say that.

W: Well, I think the rook is the best because although it’s not the most valuable piece, but the rook is really cool looking. Also, it has a cool name.

  1. Who is your favorite past monarch and why?

M: That would be King Arthur even though he’s not real. Because since he was fictional, he was the perfect king and he had excellent ideas for his kingdom. Also, the stories about him are awesome and Clive Owen played him!

W: William the Conqueror because we share the same name.

  1. Out of the two of you, who is more like a king or queen?

W: I’m more like a king because sometimes I think I’m better than everyone else. Margaret is too indecisive to be queen.

M: Well, Will is the president of the SCA but my hair is more exciting by far.

W: No, it’s not!

M: Will is a bit more decisive, though. I’d say he’s more like royalty.

  1. If you could rule over any part of Falls Church, where would it be and why?

W: Any specific part? I would rule over Broad Street and try to get rid of all the traffic lights that make me late to school! Is that funny? I don’t know.

M: Of course, I’d want to rule the school.

(The king and queen digress to speak about Monty Python)

M: I’d like to improve our dining selection and forbid some of the really bad clothes that people wear.

  1. Any part of the world (past or present)?

M: I would definitely like to rule over ancient Egypt because they knew how to treat their royalty. The Egyptians were the best architects of the ancient world and their civilization was definitely the most unique. Also having your own pyramid would be pretty cool.

W: I would rule over the Roman Empire because of all the conquests and invasions that occurred. Particularly, I’d rule over its decline. I could’ve ruled it so much better and made sure it was still around today. Plus they had gladiator fights. Yeah, the Roman Empire was pretty much the sweetest civilization ever.

FCNP: You both chose past civilizations, why the pattern?

M: The world is in decline.

W: Global warming! Listen to us, we sound like true Falls Church liberals…

  1. If you could pick a building in Falls Church as your castle, which would it be?

M: I would pick the State Theatre as my castle because it would be a huge party everyday and I could see my royal subjects be entertained and enjoy fine food.

FCNP: Would you perform?

M: No, but I’d invite David Bowie to the State Theatre/my palace.

W: I would choose my friend Brian’s house because it has four big screens, a pool table, and a foosball table.

  1. What do you look for in your king or queen?

M: It doesn’t have to be Will, right? (Laughs) Just kidding. My king would be very brave and noble and, of course, handsome and charming. A foreign accent is always a plus, as well.

W: A queen should be passionate, a compliment to my sometimes cold rationality. She should also be intelligent to aid the king in governing. Finally, the queen should be stunningly beautiful.

FCNP: Of course.

  1. Who’s the Merlin in your life?

W: My girlfriend, Elizabeth, because she’s magically funny and stunningly beautiful.

M: My dad because, literally, he’s a magician. And also because he does a million things at once and ages backwards.

  1. What book would you decree as mandatory for your royal subjects to read?

W: Feed by M.T. Anderson- it’s a startling and heart-gripping tale of the consequences of dehumanizing consumerism. It’s worth the read for anyone. And the Harry Potter series, too; how could you not mention it?

M: I’d say Harry Potter because it’s amazing. I would’ve said Feed if Will hadn’t already said it. There’s also a book called Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett. It’s about the construction of a medieval castle and all the turmoil that goes on around it.

FCNP: How appropriate.

  1. What deserves to be declared a national holiday?

W: Talk like a Pirate Day on September 19th.

FCNP: Can you explain this one to our readers?

W: It’s an idea by Dave Barry, a former humorist of the Washington Post. It’s pretty self-explanatory.

  1. What’s been your biggest “sword in the stone?”

M: Probably competing in the Ms. Mason competition because I was really nervous but I pulled it together and it ended up being alright. I didn’t think I’d win, though.

W: Trying to decide where to go to college. I’m a deliberative person and like to think things through. I’m rational and it wasn’t a quick or easy decision for me.

  1. Where will you next conquer?

W: The University of Virginia. I plan to pursue my academic interests, which vary from day to day.

M: I guess I’ll next conquer the realm of Charlottesville and give Will a run for his money.