An Unsplashy Sweeps Week Rolls Back In

For a few seasons now, there have been many whispers about eliminating sweeps. The reasons include as-yet-failed attempts to shift to a year-round programming model, and the runaway success of off-sweeps series, such as “American Idol,” which defy the manufactured spikes brought on by plot diversions and cameos.

Once such shifts in television take hold across the networks, the theory goes, there will be little reason for sweeps, the four-week periods during which networks earnestly seek to fluff up their ratings to set local advertising rates and make programming decisions.Some network executives would like them to wither away completely.

Scanning the offerings between Nov. 4 and Dec. 1, it looks as if the slow murder has begun. With a few bloated exceptions, the bells and A-list bangles of yesteryear are mighty scarce. Nevertheless, here is a short list of what's in store.

TV movies: Like regrets, we have a few.

If it's November, it must be time for another Hallmark Hall of Fame weeper. This time it's Nov. 21's star-spangled “Back When We Were Grownups,” starring Blythe Danner, Faye Dunaway, Peter Fonda and Jack Palance, in which a widow contemplates what life would have been like if she had married someone else. On the other side of the age demographic, The WB's first made-for-TV movie, “Samantha: An American Girl Holiday,” premieres Nov. 23. And on Nov. 28, NBC presents “A Christmas Carol: The Musical” starring Kelsey Grammer.

About those stunts

When you think crossover, “Crossing Jordan” and “Las Vegas” doesn't seem a likely matchup. Wrong. The fun starts in Boston Nov. 7 and concludes on “Las Vegas” the following night, with a special appearance of Snoop Dogg playing himself.“ER” will air an episode in real time, guest starring Ray Liotta, on Nov. 11.This may pale in comparison to “CSI: NY's” Nov. 17 trick, which includes scenes filmed during an actual police terrorist response drill in New York City. And you thought those things were useless.

Retrospectives, the other turkey meat

Taking advantage of the ongoing soap explosion, CBS wants us to remember the granddaddy of prime-time melodramas with “Dallas Reunion: The Return to Southfork,” on Nov. 7. Then, let there be NBC's “The Seinfeld Story,” a retrospective hosted by Jerry Seinfeld himself featuring the rest of the cast, on Thanksgiving, Nov. 25. DVDs of “Seinfeld's” first three seasons hit stores that week. What a coincidence.

Chronic cameosis

A few notables: On The WB, Jane Seymour visits “Smallville” on Nov. 17, Charisma Carpenter returns to “Charmed” Nov. 28 and James Marsters takes on “The Mountain” on Nov. 21. Kristin Davis pops up on next Thursday's “Will & Grace,” Dana Delany shows up on “Boston Legal's” Nov. 7 episode and Camryn Manheim displays her comedic abilities on Nov. 8's “Two and a Half Men.” Brent Spiner, the actor formerly known as Data, plays a mad scientist building an army of superhumans over two “Enterprise” episodes, starting Nov. 5 on UPN.

How about those disasters?

Commercials showing a guy being sucked out of his office by high winds may lure viewers in for CBS's “Category 6: Day of Destruction” on Nov. 14 and 17. A week before that, a tsunami smashes into Miami on “CSI: Miami's” Nov. 8 episode.

Then there was Fox.

Fattened up by the spectacle of the Boston Red Sox clashing with the St. Louis Cardinals, Fox's suits must be optimistic entering sweeps. Its strongest drama “The O.C.,” premieres next Thursday, the first night of the period, followed by “The Simpsons” Halloween episode on Nov. 7, leading in to a new season of “Arrested Development.”

That's three scripted shows Fox viewers can look forward to, spanning two hours out of its week.

Another one, a new medical drama called “House” (coming Nov. 16), looks less tempting.

For the most part, though, Fox is setting itself up for a post-baseball crash, born out of an over-reliance on a reality shows that either have lost their steam (“Trading Spouses,” “The Swan”) or have a high chance of sliding face first out of the starting blocks (such as “My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss,” also premiering Nov. 7).

Take “The Rebel Billionaire: Branson's Quest for the Best” -- please, oh please. Beginning with a two-hour premiere on Nov. 9, this is another tale of a very rich man, Sir Richard Branson, challenging entrepreneurs to commit outrageous acts for cash. It could work. I mean, look at everything “The Benefactor” did (not achieve) for ABC.

So, look for Fox to learn the lesson other networks already have -- the genre's fading fast and is better used as a placeholder (like NBC's “$25 Million Hoax,” premiering Nov. 8) than as the bulk of its schedule. Indeed, the only reality premiere worth noting on any network is the two-hour return of “The Amazing Race” on Nov. 16 on CBS.

As for “The Benefactor, it will be replaced on Nov. 8 by “Life of Luxury,” in which George Hamilton guides us to gawk at the tacky splendor of the rich and famous, as opposed to watching them helm staggeringly stupid competitions.