Double, Double, Toil & Trouble

I'm currently reading Azar Nafisi's memoir Reading Lolita in Tehran that explores the cultural conflicts involved in secretly reading and teaching some of the Western world's classic literary works in the midst of a hostile cultural environment like that which existed-and still does--in Iran's fundamentalist society.

Nafisi took serious risks in secretly meeting with her students to teach what certainly would be considered subversive literature in her culture. It's an inspiring memoir that resonates with all those who value the universal ideas contained in great works of literature. Nafisi is to be admired for her courage.

While I deeply respect Nafisi's bravery in teaching these universal values in an antagonistic culture, I submit to you that I have faced even more hostile audiences in Falls Church. Therefore I am working on my own book, tentatively titled Teaching Macbeth in Falls Church. I believe that it has the potential to rival Nafisi's work. Consider, for example, the relative merits of the two cases. While Nafisi and her students may have faced the harsh demands of ultraconservative laws that could have resulted in her imprisonment, I have had to face the sleepy-eyed insouciance of American high school students. There is no comparison here. Indifferent American high school students trump fundamentalists any day. Hands down. Case closed.

A typical morning in my first block class may go something like this: "Good morning class, if you'll turn to Act IV, Scene 1, we'll begin reading. This is the scene that everyone comes to see the play for. You'll really like this part. Macbeth, feeling paranoid, goes to see the witches who are stirring up this brew and, yes, Maggie, you have a question?

"Mr. Hoover, what's a five-letter word for a hollow tooth?"

"Well, it could be "fang," why do you ask, Maggie?"

"Oh, just trying to finish off my crossword puzzle."

"Yes, well, let's get back to the play, you see, Macbeth has come back to the witches he met in Act I and he wants to know...uh, say Jeff and Scott, you want to tell us what you guys are talking about so intently back there?"

"We're just debating whether that hockey player who broke that other player's neck should have been suspended or not. I say yes, because..."

"Okay, Jeff, let's just try to remember that we're in English class. You can talk sports at lunch. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah, Macbeth gets a chance to look in the witches' brew and see these apparitions come forth and, hey Tony, just what apparition are you looking at on that computer screen anyway?"

"I'm checking out the rooms for rent at Ocean City for beach week. It's unbelievable how expensive these rooms are. I'm going to have to get at least eight other guys to split the cost with me."

"Tony, this is English class! We're reading one of the great plays by the greatest playwright of all time. You need to pay complete attention. Turn that computer off! Now, Macbeth sees some pretty strange ghost-like visions come forth from the cauldron . . ."

"Hey, Tony, Steve and I will go in on that beach condo with you."

"Phillip, how can you interrupt Shakespeare and me like that?

"Umm, oh, sorry, Mr. Hoover, nothing personal."

"Can we all just focus now? Okay, good. As the witches walk around this steaming cauldron, they say 'Double, double, toil and trouble' and they throw all these disgusting things into the cauldron, like the scale of a dragon, the tooth of a wolf, the eye of a newt and the toe of a frog and, yes, Pete, you have a question?"

"You know, Mr. Hoover, those witches should be on TV's Fear Factor. Have you ever seen the gross things they make those contestants eat? It's enough to make you vomit."

"That's right, Mr H, last week they had to eat sheep eyeballs! Can you believe that?"

"I'd believe anything that television execs would stoop to to hold their audience, Lance, and maybe that's why Bill Shakespeare included some of these gross things in his play to keep the groundlings' attention, now let's get back to our play."

"Mr. Hoover, I only have one more blank in my crossword puzzle and it's a long one, a 15-letter word for a TV twosome."

"Maggie, put that away! Try OzzieandHarriet."

"I never heard of them, Mr. Hoover."

"Now stop this nonsense. Focus on the play. As I told you last class, Macbeth is one of Shakespeare's bloodiest plays, uh, what, Jake?"

"Mr. Hoover, which do you think is bloodier, Macbeth or Kill Bill?"